its that time. again

hi! i am back here...back to square 1...this time juz so much deeper. so much

everything juz keeps flashing in mind. i cant seem to get over anything

it all seems so surreal.
so hurtful...i guess i have overused the word by now.
I will talk to you bloggy....maybe u'll make me feel beta...maybe u'll understand me...maybe u'll listen to what i am sayin.

trust.
i betrayed him coz at one point in time, i considered what my frens told me ... told him wat my frens told....maybe i did that to seek assurance....maybe to let him know wat cld happen..hmm

but in the end i overcame it and trusted him....

then he says its too late.

but actually i shld feel betrayed...i kinda do. coz i trusted his words every other time. in the car, at the house...every other time...but none of it came true...didn't i trust...wasnt i lead down totally? how can someone who places so much importance on trust ... let another person down?

then again he thinks i am saying to have the last word... but wat if i really meant it?

but you know wats worse...coz i still trust watever he says...

why do i keep crying like a total gone case...i guess its the internal pain...that leaks out at the slightest probing. ...maybe its coz i seek comfort from him but i cant seem to feel it....maybe hes trying to cover up his feeling...but being told "why is hair messy" "i need to send u for makeup courses" and "hey check out that chick" juz messes me up further i suppose. bt then again it mite be my fault...i dono man....maybe i am being overly sensitive...but but but whereas wil i find comfort? to talk about everything freely? bt i try to forget everything and act normal..although there are many things, feeling running all over my head.

but u know sometimes u will reach a limit when u can no longer talk to a person abt something coz it becomes so dead a topic....its like that....maybe we talked abt too much already....bt i feel ass though only i have been talking abt it....

i wanna run away. away to a faraway land.