I am too big to cry

I never stopped to realize
How lonely I would be
I never thought the day would come
When I’ll will feel so depressed but I don’t know of what.


Ring Ring Ring
My mobile phone rings.
I tell them to that I will call back, but I won't.
I tell them nothing is wrong, leave me alone, but they won’t
so there I go pretending to be my happy self, just to avoid the questions.
Am I a clown to all? Don’t I get a right to emotions?

Those who see through my huge grin say, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.

No one will ever know how much it hurt
No one will ever understand
Because I'm too big to cry