Connections

A week ago we were out and my closest friend ….suddenly became very quiet. I did not think anything was wrong apart from the fact that she could be tired.
But she had seen an ex whom she has spoken to for a year and she was disturbed.
I can perfectly understand why.

As we spoke about it…we realized things are very strange…suddenly out of nowhere this guy shows interest in you….he does everything for you…..after some time you fall for him so hard….and he becomes your life, your best friend, your everything….and he suddenly decides to exit your life…and all connections are lost…..someone who you once used to know …..is a person you don’t know anymore….a person who you used to be physically close….is a person you don’t even acknowledge on the roads.
And all these becomes normal and part of life?! Wow.

Actually till to date I feel very uneasy about the whole thing.
In my life…there was one person with whom I have cut all ties….four years ago…I haven spoken to him till now….and now recently I have lost another person four months ago. So that makes the two of them.
The first one I was not damn close to begin with but he was very nice to me …. Bt I stopped talking to him coz he used a bad word on me….and I tot what he was doing was not right at all…..the second one affected me so badly that I can’t believe he could actually do what he did…but I know or least I believe as a person he is great... I don’t know how many will fall into that category in future…I somehow hope there won’t be anymore. ..coz its strange that your most distanced frens are still your frens whereas that the one you were damn close to becomes someone you don’t even acknowledge.

My friend is feeling better for now….someday when I see what she saw I know I will feel the same feeling of emptiness…the same feeling of how much of hope you place on someone and how the hope can just walk out of the door in seconds.

Don’t get me wrong …the feeling of empty-ness does not come from missing a person love…its more of missing the person. So I am the last person to fall for someone so fast again or even look for love….coz when these kinda things happen to me …I question love …I question the temporary-ness of it .

So I hope you guys are not mad at me…I really can’t look at you all in that light at the moment….as much as you all tell me I would feel better if I accept your love…and have someone there….but I really don’t want to do that….coz knowing me…I cant just look at you and love..i need time to love anyone…months…even years maybe….no matter who you are…coz I need to make sure that I love you like I will never leave you no matter what….. I would never want to go to you and say …I have fallen out of love with you…or to say I don’t think I love you…..I think that is a very cruel thing to say especially after I have lead you guys to it and you guys have put in so much of emotional effort... that’s the way I work. So really at the moment….all I want to do is to ..let go of the pain….look at the other things in life….gain back the believe in love….though I think that will take a long time….the temporary-ness of love and how the emphasis in today’s world is about falling in love and not staying love upsets me quite a bit. =(