Bitter pain
In the last two months I have been perpetually unhappy because of you know...
In the last two months I also have realized a lot of things. I did quite no of things that I would have ever done. I mean they are more for the good than the bad. Except the excessive drinking.
One of what I realized is:
I realized.
He wanted me then cause I made him happy (you know all the just looking at you and talking to you makes me so happy etc)
He no longer wanted me cause I made him unhappy (you know that parting MSG that he sent….how he never wanted to talk about things,the times he told me I made him so irritated over the phone…the times when he spoke like I was the past, the times he said I din let him do wat he wanted, that two nites he din even bother to msg me or pick up my numerous calls when I was dying to know if he was alright etc – all which of coz I feel that we never spoke about …I wish we did but yeah that does not matter I guess)
So do I really want him to be blaming for not staying coz anyways even If he stayed he will be unhappy.
The answer is no.
When he wanted to be seen with me he wanted pictures of him and me up (that he asked me often how come I am not putting pictures of us up)
When he din want to be seen with me, he din want pictures of us up at all (that he came with the things like how he din like to be photographed…and that I shld understand and it stressful when I asked him about it….oh common look at the no of pictures and who would believe he does not like to photographed? And how he refused to take pictures with me yet he will take pics with others)
When he was so into you…he will spend all his time with you….accompanying you everywhere even when you would have like him to rest
When he is no longer that into you…you will have to keep asking him to be with you…and suddenly everyone else will be so important than you
So its simple. Really.
It just hurts badly. Really badly that I will never forget those hurtful moments and all the after effect suffering I went through and am going through
I guess it damn unfair coz there are a lot of other things involved except the simple unfair logic (like my feeling, my development towards him, him being my closest fren and confident, me trusting him)
But love is not to be rationalized, someone told me recently….you can’t rationalize love. It is about feeling.
I hate that sentence cause I personally think love Is about responsibility. How can love be about one person’s feeling when there is another party involved? (anything that does not only involve you alone becomes a responsibility …the responsibility to care).
But who cares about that right?
Cause many people abide by that.
Anyways yeah I was not suppose to rationalize
I just have to repeat this to myself
He wanted me cause I made him happy
He no longer wanted me cause I made him unhappy
So do I really want him to be blaming for not staying coz anyways even If he stayed he will be unhappy.
The answer is no.
In the last two months I also have realized a lot of things. I did quite no of things that I would have ever done. I mean they are more for the good than the bad. Except the excessive drinking.
One of what I realized is:
I realized.
He wanted me then cause I made him happy (you know all the just looking at you and talking to you makes me so happy etc)
He no longer wanted me cause I made him unhappy (you know that parting MSG that he sent….how he never wanted to talk about things,the times he told me I made him so irritated over the phone…the times when he spoke like I was the past, the times he said I din let him do wat he wanted, that two nites he din even bother to msg me or pick up my numerous calls when I was dying to know if he was alright etc – all which of coz I feel that we never spoke about …I wish we did but yeah that does not matter I guess)
So do I really want him to be blaming for not staying coz anyways even If he stayed he will be unhappy.
The answer is no.
When he wanted to be seen with me he wanted pictures of him and me up (that he asked me often how come I am not putting pictures of us up)
When he din want to be seen with me, he din want pictures of us up at all (that he came with the things like how he din like to be photographed…and that I shld understand and it stressful when I asked him about it….oh common look at the no of pictures and who would believe he does not like to photographed? And how he refused to take pictures with me yet he will take pics with others)
When he was so into you…he will spend all his time with you….accompanying you everywhere even when you would have like him to rest
When he is no longer that into you…you will have to keep asking him to be with you…and suddenly everyone else will be so important than you
So its simple. Really.
It just hurts badly. Really badly that I will never forget those hurtful moments and all the after effect suffering I went through and am going through
I guess it damn unfair coz there are a lot of other things involved except the simple unfair logic (like my feeling, my development towards him, him being my closest fren and confident, me trusting him)
But love is not to be rationalized, someone told me recently….you can’t rationalize love. It is about feeling.
I hate that sentence cause I personally think love Is about responsibility. How can love be about one person’s feeling when there is another party involved? (anything that does not only involve you alone becomes a responsibility …the responsibility to care).
But who cares about that right?
Cause many people abide by that.
Anyways yeah I was not suppose to rationalize
I just have to repeat this to myself
He wanted me cause I made him happy
He no longer wanted me cause I made him unhappy
So do I really want him to be blaming for not staying coz anyways even If he stayed he will be unhappy.
The answer is no.
posted by Jey at 12:44 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home