You know its one of those days

You know its one of those days when you go to bed early cause you don’t wanna think about him and you think you can just sleep it off.
But you wake up in the middle of night feeling a sharp pain. Almost like someone stabbing you. And you wake up and see his face in your mind. Damn
There goes my night as I sit near the kitchen area and weep.
Its funny how I keep crying about a guy who does not bother about me the slightest bit.
I mean if he cld text me a message and not even seeing the need to talk about the matter.
I mean if he cld ignore all my messages and emails.
I mean if he go on all fine when I couldn’t even go to work
I mean if he cld tell me that he couldn’t come any earlier to talk about it coz he had to do his readings, and was taking part in a challenge and hosting.
I mean even though he knew that I loved him like crazy yet keep how his thought about everything to himself.
I mean if he cld just leave me not even seeing the need to keep me as a person in his life….(but I guess its easier to just walk out then to sit and explain to me things and keep me in his life…maybe that’s all that I was worth)
How much could I have meant to him even as a person let alone as someone that he loved once?
I wish to put the painful past behind, to make peace with the past so that my future wont be so painful.
But I don’t know how to do it when its just the bitter painful thoughts and feelings running all over me.
I think its very painful when you go after someone and claim the world but to leave the person without a word especially when the person thinks that you are her world. How about those times when you said we could work out differences? And that will makes us stronger. How come we don’t do that now when I am willing?
Yeah but what I can do about it. Its not as though I can control the situation or change anything.
I wake everyday feeling very down and having that feeling in my heart.
I tell myself everyday that there is nothing I can do about it.
Every day I still go back to doing the same thing.
He says I can look at this whole thing negatively or just remember the good things about it.
But how do I do that?
I tell that to myself everyday yet I still never came out of it.
My stupid heart. When will you learn? Hiaz