insanity

I.dont.know.why.i.cried.jus.now
Maybe.it.was.his.tone….maybe.it.was.his.anger.
i.know.he.was.kidding.abt.yes.sir.thing….bt…u.know.hiaz

his.anger.scares.me...
i.dono.how.things.can.go.this.extent

i.dono.why.i.keep.coming.back.to.get.thrashed.
coz.of.love?
bt.wat.good.is.the.love?...if.i.cant.say.it.to.him…..if.he.isnt.there.for.me….if.i.have.to.be.afraid.of.him…if.he.doesn.even.love.me

coz.he.loved.me.once?
wat.if.it.was.juz.an.initial.excitement?coz.i.dont.think.anyone.wld.even.treat.their.worst.enemy.like.this….if.it.was.love..where.did.the.love.go?.where.did.the.humanity.go?

everytime.he.yells.at.me.or.treats.me.like.this…i.tell.myself..hes.tired…hes.stressed.out.from.his.camps…at.least.he.still.bothers.to.talk.to.me…the.least.i.shld.do.is.to.be.there.for.him.to.vent.everything…

but.sometimes.i.think.abt.this.and.cry..for.how.long…am.i.gona.be.like.this?....I.tot.love,care.and.concern.was.a.two.way.thing..how.come.i.dont.get.to.talk.to.him.like.everyone.else….be.treated.nicely.like.everyone.else….maybe.coz..there.is.no.love.period.
so.what.am.i.doing.to.myself?

how.come.i.juz.let.him.shout.at.me?treat.me.like.this?....for.how.long.am.i.gonna.hope…the.old.him.will.come.back?...maybe.this.is.the.real.him…..i.dont.know.man…i.dont.know.anything…

i.cldnt.stop.crying….”Dad”.woke.upp.and.saw.me.sitting.near.the.kitchen…and.sobbing.away…I.hate”dad”..for.the.way.he.treats.my.mom…i.hate.it.when.he.asks.me.why.i.am.crying…why.does.he.even.care…i.tell.him.to.go.aaway.and.he.gets.mad.and.yeells.at.me….so.wat.he.think…that.i.sleep.around.and.someone.cheated.me…that’s.why.i.am.crying…..wat.in.the.world….maybe.i.really.shld.do.that..to.show..him…how.is.he.ever.gona.understand.me….when.he.thinks.its.okie.to.do.wat.he.does.to.my.mom….how.is.he.ever.gona.understand.my.pain.

my.frens.are.calling…i.dont.wanna.talk..i.dont.wanna.let.them.hear.me.cry…bt.they.keep.calling.so.i.pick.up,..and.pretend…..they.know.i.have.been.crying….bt.i.say..nothing….they.get.mad.at.me….bt.i.still.wont.say….coz…then.they.mite.do.something…and.it.will.look.like.i.complained….bt.i.never.ever.thought.of.complaining….they.feel.i.am.hiding.things…bt.i.cant.do.anything.abt.it…

in.a.world.full.of.misery..where.i.pretend.to.be.normal.everyday…..what.is.even.the.point.of.living…