damnnnn

This about a month since he officially stopped talking to me except for the confrontations….
I know its retarted that I am even acknowledging it

But its hard to live with it you know
Coz I miss it like crazy
Yet I know I can’t have it
And I don’t know why
Maybe I don’t even want it anymore
For the way he treated me …since that call on Saturday night.
So it hurts
You are damn right

I was thinking about love
And I think love is just for the moment kinda thing..i mean I wld never accept it but I think that’s wat everyones doing.
Maybe if I said a few “I love you”s …without making sure I really really loved him till death …things would have been happier…maybe he wld have been happier…
Although I always loved him internally

Maybe if I never bothered about his smoking, his health, his diet, his savings and never wanted the best for him…things would have been happier…maybe he wld have been happier…
Although I always loved him for who he was

Maybe if I never scolded him for wasting money on me…things would have been happier and maybe he wld have been happier
Although I always treasured everything he got for me…even if I din like them….

Cause anyway he was going to leave me one day…cause it was for fun….cause it can end anytime….why did I even bother thinking of his as my hubby and wanting the best for us…for him….i don’t know….


Maybe if ever and ever there is another time…coz I don’t really trust anyone now…but if it ever happens…maybe a few “I love you”s …and not being bothered about how he is is the way its going to be…coz I don’t think anyone wld stay with me forever anyways so why bother about anything…just haf fun at the moment.. If he can leave….anyone can…


And Ash I hate hurting you.
You have been trying to contact me since that day
But I cant answer…I need you to realize wat you did is wrong.
I am not saying he is more important than you.
Try to understand….what you did is wrong
I am in worse state you are in….so don’t worry