My freaking boring life

Like seriously, everyday I go to work, go home, watch tv and sleep.
There is nothing to look forward nothing to do man.
I guess work as in real work (since I am doing nothing much at work nowadays) kept me busy and I realized work keeps me going…occupies me.
That sometimes I wish I can stay in the office till 8pm at least…(I know I sound like a sadist)
And really sometimes audit isn’t that bad I suppose. Its just the not knowing what to do freaks one most of the times.

I think I wanna migrate somewhere. I am really toying with the idea as I look at the EY Australia application form. I wanna do something different with my life. Its as though I have reached a stand still position in life. Like I suddenly stopped right there in my tracks. And nothing excites me anymore.

This year so far have been okie I guess. I went through my first peak….which I dint really feel was much of a peak…I am no longer with someone …I am tired of thinking about it anymore….even if its for the good or bad ..it makes no difference now…I cant do anything abt it…to deal with the difference..with the loss..with the hurt…with the pain. I thought I shld become a better person. Clean my room, run nearly every morning, increase my saving in the bank, call my frens and talk to them, meet up with them, be there for my mom, get proper skin care products, fix appointment for toe nails, fix appointment for jaw surgery, buy clothes. I did all of those…I mean the skincare I make it a point to apply and I am still running nearly every morning…but that’s done. Now what. I still don’t feel good.

Excite me life. Common.

Yesterday’s.conversation.made.some.sense…
Bt..i.wonder.now…should.we.have.expecations.about.ur.special.someone….
Coz.initally.i.did…and.thats.why.i.was.so.apprehensive.about.saying.those.threewords….
Because.i.wanted.to.say.it.a.special.someone….the.only.special.someone…
i.knew…there.were.so.many.things.between.us.that.wont.work.out…i.knew….
but.ur.constant.words.made.feel.like.everything.can.be.worked.out…everything….so.I.came.to.internalise.that…but.suddenly.one.fine.afternoon…i.was.told…it.cant.be..worked.out…..certain.things.cant.be.worked.out….maybe.thats.why.i.feel.very.helpless…wat.if.i.still.think.it.can.be.worked.out?


but.i.know...u.cant.force.people.to.work.things.out…u.cant.force.people.to.love…i.meant.love.in.the.romantic.sense….somethings.u.have.to.accept..i.realised…u.cant.do.anything.about….

and.if.i.really.had.a.defined.version.of.love…i.wldnt.have.loved.someone.whom…i.never.immediatly.saw.a.future.with…and.i.would.have.waited.for.the.guy.whom.i.ideally.wanted..coz..in.that.sense..wouldnt.it.be.more.likely.that.love.will.be.sucessful.till.the.end.coz..thats.wat.the.final.love.is.abt.rite…finding.the.more.approriate.person?...so.then….maybe.a.defined.love.is.a.less.hurtful.love?

dono..bt.as.i.realised..i.shouldnt.think.about.love…love.is.suppose.to.be.felt..and.not.thought.abt.i.guess…
.
Half.of.you.all.say..”wat.in.the.world.is.wrong.with.u..u.are.still.thikning.abt.that.hopeless.love?...the.love.that.never.had.a.future”…u.all.wld.say….…”u.are.hot.and.all..u.can.easily.get.someone.else”…i.know..i.can…bt.thats.not.the.point.my.dears….coz..thats.not.wat.i.think.love.is…that’s.not.wat.i.want.love.to.be..….

Who.knows.wat.is.right.and.wat.is.wrong..who.determines.them?

But.if.it.is.the.norm.to.love.many.people.and.get.hurt.and.eventually.find.the.rite.one..then.maybe.i.cant.change.the.norm…i.have.to.accept.it…and.become.part.of.it…..

i.hope.one.day.i.will.be.able.to.come.out.and.say…all.these.experiences.have.shaped.me.to.become.a.person..like.how.everyone.says…for.now..i.will.have.to.instill.the.conversation.yesterday….and.go.with.the.flow…I.have.to……coz.lifes.like.that.

dead

for.the.first.time....she.drank....to.sleep.
coz.theres.no.point.anymore.
noone.understands.anything.
she.will.be.silent.from.now.on
not.a.disturbance.to.anyone.anymore.
she.will.handle.everything.within.her.in.her.own.space.

she.hopes.she.will.sleep.soon.