Talking

I miss talking.
You know not the normal usual nonsensical talking. But a heartfelt one. Like
Telling the person what happened in your life for that day for everyday
Like having the person be able to reach out to you and feel what you are saying
Like having someone there for you whenever you need the person
At first there was ash, and then élan and then him
Its strange.
These people are around somewhere but I can no longer talk to them
As a result I have grown quieter in any other aspects. I just keep silent and stone most of the time. I can feel myself going deeper into me.
I need to talk to someone
Will I find someone who will sit there and just listen to what I am saying? I hope I do . pretty soon before I drive myself crazy.

hiaz

i.guess.its.this.kinda.things.that.really.shock.me
i.mean.for.a.person.to.have.time.for.you.once…when.he/she.had.so.many.things.on.his.plate…to.tell.u.i.have.got.work.to.do.all.the.time.now…kinda….i.donooo

i.mean.does.making.time.for.a.person.happen.only.at.the.start?
what.if.that.was.one.of.the.factors.that.i.really.like.a.person.for?and.the.person.no.longer.seems.to.do.it.anymore?maybe.coz.we.are.not.tog.anymore..so.he.doesn.have.to.do.it.anymore…or.he.doesn.feel.like.it.anymore?
maybe.i.am.asking.for.too.much….bt.can.ten.mins..out.of.24.hours….actually.4.days.be.reallly.too.much?
what.about.those.moments.that.i.really.really.need.the.person?.what.if.i.want.to.talk.heart.to.heart.talk.with.the.person?

woa…i.really.donoo.wat.i.shld.do

am.i.asking.for.too.much?
am.i.jumping.to.conclusions?
am.i.not.treated.right?
should.i.be.more.understanding….bt.i.understand


bt.a.few.messages…a.call.any.time.of.the.day…wont.take.much.rite…rite?

hiaz..i.guess.he.has.alot.of.things.on.hand…esp.since.he.is.leading.the.whole.thing….

i.hate.my.life.
i.hate.the.way.i.feel.
kill.my.love.
kill.me.
as.well.
please?

complicated

suddenly i feel so down
well maybe not suddenly but yeah for sometime. it juz keeps fluctuating.

maybe i am not doing the right thing.
maybe i am forcing him.
i think love,time and consideration isnt suppose to be asked for
it shld be given. bt yeah so now i am utterly digusted with myself
i cant stop crying.

actually i dono wat i shld do. sometimes i really feel like moving away. like totally. u know the feeling not being welcomed juz kills. yet i cant bring myself away. so i keep coming back although it doesn make me totally happy...it makes me a bit happy.

but i dono i know things are changing. it cant be my imgination.
i know i know him lesser now...bt when i ask him abt stuff ..it becomes like i am questionng him
i know hes doesn really bother to make plans with me anymore...so shld i persist ...shld i juz keep quiet and go away.
i know sometimes he doesn tell me the truth...like its a feelng more than wat i know bt yeah its there.

hiaz life sucks big time!
initially it was no sweet nothing..then it became lesser calls....and today when i called ..he asked about wat i wanted to talk abt...bt its been days since i heard his voice so erm i juz wanted to hear it. ..i dono i felt like he needed a reason for me to call bt i din have any.

i really think the whole thing is so very sad.
like when i have feelings for him.he doesn have it anymore so our actions and reactions and emotions are not in sync
when he did have the feeling ... i tot i had them bt i din know i was not in love yet.....(maybe coz i din know wat love is) so our actions and reactions and emotions were not in sync then too. but i guess the fact that someone can fall out of love in you and care less about u hurts....esp when my mind keeps thinking if i am less important now...or if the things they do ..they juz do it when in love...

i really really wish now of it ever happened.. and we wld be normal frens and i wld have left sch and he wld have been a fren like the others. bt wishing doesn do anything. i shld have known it when i got that sms that day.

now i cant stop liking him neither can i be with him. the whole thing kills u know. like each day u live with ur emotions.... go through them all to know that at the end of the day u are empty. the empty feeling.
as though the empty feeling is not bad enuff...hearing his voice go like "why dont u hang out with ur frens....why do you want to know....hyio"....him being indifferent towards the whole thing and making me seem like a bother makes it worse...bt i guess i cant blame him...maybe this is how people who have broken up will behave...maybe i am juz abnormal...maybe coz i juz never lost the feeling.

in my heart.there is a huge layer of hurt and hate and lots of love. all mixed up. hurting like crazy. killing me.

why is everything so cruel. why did i ever ever fall in love? sometimes i juz dont want my life anymore.

maybe i need help. God.

life

Today.something.within.me.died.again

i.din.think.i.could.possibily.die.again….i.did

something.is.amiss……really.wrong…

he.used.to.ask.me..do.u.know.how.it.feels.like.to.have.ur.trust.broken…i.always.used.to.shake.my.head.and.say…i.dont…noone.ever.did.it.that.to.me.

bt.of.late…i.can…i.can.feel.it….such.an.irony

i.still.remember.those.days..telling.my.frens..that.hes.the.best.i.can.ever.get…he.will.take.care.of.me..without.a.single.drop.of.tear..i.told.them….esp.that.day…the.lunch.walk.back.to.office…
i.never.knew.i.cld.cry.so.much….such.an.irony

i.never.felt.so.small,dirty.unimportant.disprected….like.my.as.though.my.self.worth.is.totally.gone….why.else.would.i.be.treated.this.way….

i.think.life.is.juz.a.misery….with.nothing….i..stand.there.totally.torn.burised.injured.torn.apart…

En Uyir Kadhale

En Uyir Kadhale Ni Engu Poonaye ?Ni Illa Vaalkai Valikkithadi…!
Yen Muuchin Swasathil Ni Kalanthaayadi…Ni Ippo Kathrodhu Marainthuvidday…
En Thavara ? Anbe Un Thavara ?Yenthan Kadhalin Veethanai Puriyeleya?
Anbe En Thavara ? Anbe Un Thavara?Yen Ithaiyathai Therinju Yeen Noghadichai ?
En Uyir Kadhale Ni Engu Poonaye ?Ni Illa Vaalkai Valikkithadi…!
Yen Muuchin Swasathil Ni Kalanthaayadi…Ni Ippo Kathrodhu Marainthuvidday…
—————————————————–
Adi Kadhal Pichai Poodhu, Ennai Ni Vaale VaiOru Murai Sollu Ni En Kadhali Enru..
Adi Kadhal Pichai Poodhu, Ennai Ni Vaale VaiOru Murai Sollu Ni En Kadhali Enru..
Ennai Ni Paradi, Yenthan Kanneer ThuliIthai Parthu Ennai Konjam Sirikka Vay
Ennai Ni Paradi, Yenthan Kanneer ThuliIthai Parthu Ennai Konjam Sirikka Vay
——————————————————–
En Uyir Kadhale Ni Engu Poonaye ?Ni Illa Vaalkai Valikkithadi…!
Yen Muuchin Swasathil Ni Kalanthaayadi…Ni Ippo Kathrodhu Marainthuvidday…
———————————————————–
Adi Oruvarsham Unnai Pirinthu Naan VaalghinrenUnnai Ninaithu Dhinam Saaghigiren…
Adi Oruvarsham Unnai Pirinthu Naan VaalghinrenUnnai Ninaithu Dhinam Saaghigiren…
Adutha Yenmam Varai, Naan KathiruppenYen Kadhalukku Naan Pooradhuven…
Adutha Yenmam Varai, Naan KathiruppenYen Kadhalukku Naan Pooradhuven…———————————————————–
En Uyir Kadhale Ni Engu Poonaye ?Ni Illa Vaalkai Valikkithadi…!
Yen Muuchin Swasathil Ni Kalanthaayadi…Ni Ippo Kathrodhu Marainthuvidday…
En Thavara ? Anbe Un Thavara ?Yenthan Kadhalin Veethanai Puriyeleya?
Anbe En Thavara ? Anbe Un Thavara?Yen Ithaiyathai Therinju Yeen Noghadichai ?
En Uyir Kadhale Ni Engu Poonaye ?Ni Illa Vaalkai Valikkithadi…!
Yen Muuchin Swasathil Ni Kalanthaayadi…Ni Ippo Kathrodhu Marainthuvidday…

something.within.me.died.yest.nite

something.within.me.died.yest.nite
That.words
That.hope
That.excitment