Like.a.stupid.fool

Its.been.two.nites.
i.have.been.waiting.to.talk.
bt.he.muz.be.very.busy.else..he.wld.have.bothered.to.ask.me.what.is.bothering.me
maybe.he.doesn.care.
coz.there.are.so.many.other.things.that.i.have.always.wanted.to.talk.abt.
which.we.never.talked.abt.
still.i.try
i.dono.for.wat.
really.
Like.a.stupid.fool

Why.cant.we.be.like.other.people?
Talk.issues.out
Show.that.we.care
Feel.happy.and.be.there.for.each.other.
Share.each.other’s.happenings.

why.do.we.do.things.on.a.hideout.like.some.illegal.thing.

The bag!

Sitting on the table at smiling at me! I love my new bag! so much! =)

coz...

coz....its.wrong.to.do.that...i.wont
coz....behind.all.those."attractiveness.and.sexy-ness".there.is.my.innocence.and.conservativeness
coz.behind.all.those.laughter.and."lively-ness"..if.you.look.close.enough.there.are.tears.and.saddness

coz.i.wish.you.were.there.to.tell.them.who.i.was.to.you.
coz.i.wish.i.could.run.into.your.arms.to.feel.protected.


but.maybe.i.am.responsible.for.myself.
and.noone.needs.me.to.be.there

sometimes

Sometimes I wish I could smoke
Sometimes I wish I could utter all the bad words
Sometimes I wish I could drink myself silly and lie down some where
Sometimes I wish I could party all night long for days without a care in the world.

Sometimes I feel so bitter I wish I could do all of those.

Its like a temptation….an urge.

Getting stronger. Day by day. Especially today when I was on the verge.

when couldnt be with them

Like I wanna throw away and do these things.

Coz anyways everyones doing it. Maybe these things will be bring me the happiness. Why else would others be doing it.

Coz I just feel so bored with myself.

misses him

she misses him so berry berry muchie!

and my supervisor is a little funny ...as in oddd. heee and i am in woodylands again. heee

me.and.me

.i.cant.believe.he.spoke.to.me.like.that…and.hanged.up.just.like.that…
Coz.i.wanted.to.upload.his.pictures?...he.says..i.cant.coz.its.stressful.for.him…and.he.has.his.own.photos.albums.and.hundreds.of.photos.of.him….and.if.you.ask.why..he’ll.threaten.to.delete.the.account…..which.is.so.not.the.point…then.how.come.he.even.has.profile.pictures….like.deleting.the.account.will.slove.anything…its.the.issue.that.matters.

But.i.am.not.gona.ask.him.anymore...although.i.dont.buy.his.reason..not.as.though.my.few.pictures.would.do.anything.to.his.hundreds.of.his.profile.and.other.pictures….but..i.dont.think.we.will.have.a.proper.conversation.about.it…so.yeah…i.will.be.unhappy.abt.it..bt.i.dont.think.its.gona.matter.to.anyone.

And.i.was.the.same.person.who.never.spoke.to.S.coz.he.used.the.four.letter.once.in.a.sentence.while.refering.to.an.act.of.mine.

….there.is.nothing.i.can.do.coz.i.choose.to.accept.his.ways.his.words…i.have.a.choice…but.i.still.choose.the.same…so.who.am.i.to.complain.now…life’s.like.that….like.a.weak.idiot.who.can’t.do.anything.about.it.

Okies…..

i.have.got.loads.of.work…i.have.to.pick.up.myself.and.work..and.get.up.earlier.and.work.

the.maybes.again

suddenly..i.feel.kinda.sad...maybe.thats.an.understatement

coz.he.was.awake.when.i.sent.the.msg
i.was.eagerly.waiting.for.his.reply

bt.he.din.reply

maybe..he.din.see.it
maybe.he.din.feel.like.replying.it.then
maybe.he.wanted.to.be.himself.

would.he.ever.reply.that.kinda.msges.anymore?
does.he.miss.me.at.times?

maybe.i.am.juz.stupid.

hiaz..thinking.juz.makes.it.all.the.more.sad...
i.shall.hold.that.photo.and.go.to.sleep.

Of weddings, sisters and him =)

Of weddings, sisters and him =)

The wedding reception I went to was kinda boring but also entertaining in its own way. I din know anyone there. I went with S, an old time fren…we went in like pretty late and we saw his friend at one of the table and we joined them. Its amazing how they thought I was his galfren and kept saying I was pretty..coz neither of it was true …we kept correcting them abt how relationship and then there was precious, the baby girl….she was such an adorable thing. Really. She isn’t the pretty pretty kind but she was really sweet and shy ..i was trying to imitate her and played with her the whole time =) my playmate! I love kids like crazy coz they really entertain me! And the family we were sitting with was also pretty nice. I loved that dad..I have thing for dads …I mean maybe coz I never really had a fatherly figure..i love talking to dads..they give me a warm sorta feeling..like I wanna trust them and listen to their wise words…its like I really wanna respect them and treat them like my own. =)


And on msn I talked to J. I think we share some sort of a weird association. I know him for about 5 years now. When I was 21 he told me he liked me and wanted to have a relationship with me. Bt to me at that age I wasn’t into relationships (Actually I was never into relationships till recently) and I found it quite strange that he dint know anything abt me yet wanted a relationship with me. I told him we can be friends and get to know each other first…to which he replied he din want a friendship. So that was that…we met in groups a few times….with nick and all..our ntuc frens…in between the years went for occasional gatherings with the gang…most of the time he never showed up. All through the years he always told me that he liked me and always said I show absolutey no interest in him. In the last conversation we had yesterday he said….its better to be loved than to love …so hes about to get attached to someone who liked him for years as I never bothered to show any form of interest or take any form of effort in getting to know him. Well I dono how you show effort or interest. I really think things should be natural …well maybe I could have showed interest maybe I felt uncomfortable knowing that he liked me before he knew anything abt me…oh well…it doesn really matter. he said I was pretty I could fid someone easily and I think hes pretty goodlooking steward as well so I wish him all the best in his relationship pursuing =)

The sisters
I think my sisters are really nice. Haha not coz they give me things. But coz they really are nice. My younger sis as a kid she was nice…she cared for everything and was very nice as a person ….as she grew up she become different … a little too naggy a little too mean too my mommy. Now she is still isn’t that nice to my mommy bt I think she loves my mommy all the same…its just the way she is. I came to realize that people have their own ways and means to show expressions and feelings. My elder sister is a gem..really I mean she maybe weird in the way she is bt as a person she nice….to me shes nice…when I was in school and needed money she gave it to me…when we needed someone to stay home and be with mommy …she always stayed back while we always hanged out with frens. She does a lot of nice stuff…and is really sweet…these two days are the closest I have ever hanged out with them .. coz I was always a lot closer to my little brother…bringing him to hang out with my frens and growing up with him…teaching him stuff…we were best buddies from music to books to clothes to frens…bt now hes gone…like totally out of my life…I feel a tinge of sadness. I think its nice being with my sisters…like where you truly belong though we are all different in our own way…I am gonnna sign up for classes with my sis, go watch movies with them and hang out more….from now on =)

And I think I am crazy over him. Like seriously I dono whats wrong with me…I keep thinking about him…keep wanting to talk to him…keep wanting to hang out with him…keep wanting to hear him..that it drives me crazy haha I wonder how I became like this. I keep wondering if he really loves me coz he doesn say the sweet nothings anymore. I keep wanting to be with him. Heee he makes me feel so safe from all the evil out there and you get the comfortable and homely feeling juz holding on to his arms. I hope I will hear him soon enough =(

Hmmm

The.past.few.days…were.amazing.
Like.Sunday..i.cried.and.i.was.unhappy.abt.certain.things.he.said…yet.the.fact.that.he.was.there.made.it.all.seem.so.lovely….and.when.he.said..that.liner.at.the.bustop…i.think.that.was.the.sweetest.thing.to.say…really.

The.day.wasnt.spectular.like.how.my.frens.love.interest.wld.have.planned.it…no.fanciful.dinner….no.spas…that.kinda.thing…bt…there.was.effort…there.was.planning…and.there.was.novelty!...i.love.doing.different.things…seeing.different.things.and…those.memories..aew.imperfectly.perfect.
Monday.was.chill.and.nice…Wednesday..was.niceee.tooo…and.Thursday.was.chill.and.nice.again.
i.never.felt.so.close.to.him…for.the.whole.year.as.compared.to.those.few.days..dono.why…its.a.funny.sort.of.feeling

and.cried.on.Thursday..coz..i.kinda.felt.that.the.closeness.will.end.some.sort….and.yesterday..i.really.cld.feel.it…haha…again…it.juz.felt…that.the.past.few.days.were.a.dream…and.not.a.reflection.of.reality…and,yesterday..after.seelan.took.me.out.for.dinner..and.his.galfren.soon.joined.us….the.way.the.two.were.tog…was.sweet…like.how.we.were.the.past.few.days…that.i.actually.teared.....i.miss.him.terribly.now

i.wish…we.wld.be.close…even..when.i.dont.meet..him...i.dono.how.that.can.we.done..maybe.talking.more…maybe…knowing.that.he.loves.me..and.is.there.for.me…maybe.knowing.wat.each..other.is.doing.and.feeling….maybe..i.am.juz.asking.for.too.much…hiaz…maybe.i.shld.juz.shut.up…and.do.my.own.stuf…hiaz….:(

yesterday..when..i.sent.tthat.message.asking.for.a.groom.for.my.sister…almost.everyone.asked.me..when.are.u.going.to.look.for.mine…..which..made…me.feel.like.crap…i.wish.i.some.sort.knew..my.future.too……i.wish..i.knew.where.we.will.end.up.hiaz…