pain

wats..wrong.with.me?
a.year.back....i.never.tot..i.wil.be.anything.like.this...ever...
like.a.wreck....like.a.gone.case

looking.at.the.hp....looking.at.replies.for.msges.sent...looking.for.new.msges...looking.for.email.replies..
looking.for.msn.replies...every.single.possible.time.from.him

yearning.for.his.voice.

bt.i.need.to.understand..he.isnt.there.anymore....nomore....
bt..i.need....how?...bt.u.cant.disturb.him...u.know....he.has.his.own.life....his.own
yeah.put.that.on...u...everytime...u.need.him....u.use.it.that.thing..the.pain.will.be.there....it'll.teach.u...not.to.want.him
one.day.....u.will.no.longer.feel.the.physical.pain...then.maybe.u.wont.feel.the.heart.pain.as.well.
noones.there....the.pain.is.killing...killing.

Hey
1Imiss.the.times.when.i.used.to.take.your.stuff.for.fun...and.we.how.we.always.met.in.the.library
2…….I.miss.the.times.when.i.always.bumped.into.you.in.school
3…….I.miss.the.times.when.u.used.to.wait.for.me.under.the.tuition.block..and.i.wld.look.at.the.clock.every.other.time.so.that.i.can.see.u.again.
4…….I.miss.the.times.when.u.would.cook.for.me.and.how.you.even.packed.drinks.and.cups.
5…….I.miss.the.times..when.u.gave.me.all.those.cards.that.i.never.was.able.to.comprehend.but.i.tot.they.were.sweetest.
6…….I.miss.the.times.u.would.gave.me.flowers…though.i.always.scolded.u.for.it….i.loved.it.like.crazy.
.I.miss.the.times.when.u.gave.me.radom.stuff…like.the.heart.shaped.clock,ManUbox..the.SMU.tag
I.miss.the.ASOC.day.dinner…the.only.event.that.we.attended.tog…and.how.we.played.the.game.on.,stage.
9……i.miss.the.times.when.u.used.to.come.shopping.with.me…for.sarees,for.clothes,for.parties..that.was.really.sweet
…….I.miss.the.times.when.u.used.to.call.me.names..like.arrogant,shy,princess……

They.all.seems.years.ago…hiazz…i..miss………

its that time. again

hi! i am back here...back to square 1...this time juz so much deeper. so much

everything juz keeps flashing in mind. i cant seem to get over anything

it all seems so surreal.
so hurtful...i guess i have overused the word by now.
I will talk to you bloggy....maybe u'll make me feel beta...maybe u'll understand me...maybe u'll listen to what i am sayin.

trust.
i betrayed him coz at one point in time, i considered what my frens told me ... told him wat my frens told....maybe i did that to seek assurance....maybe to let him know wat cld happen..hmm

but in the end i overcame it and trusted him....

then he says its too late.

but actually i shld feel betrayed...i kinda do. coz i trusted his words every other time. in the car, at the house...every other time...but none of it came true...didn't i trust...wasnt i lead down totally? how can someone who places so much importance on trust ... let another person down?

then again he thinks i am saying to have the last word... but wat if i really meant it?

but you know wats worse...coz i still trust watever he says...

why do i keep crying like a total gone case...i guess its the internal pain...that leaks out at the slightest probing. ...maybe its coz i seek comfort from him but i cant seem to feel it....maybe hes trying to cover up his feeling...but being told "why is hair messy" "i need to send u for makeup courses" and "hey check out that chick" juz messes me up further i suppose. bt then again it mite be my fault...i dono man....maybe i am being overly sensitive...but but but whereas wil i find comfort? to talk about everything freely? bt i try to forget everything and act normal..although there are many things, feeling running all over my head.

but u know sometimes u will reach a limit when u can no longer talk to a person abt something coz it becomes so dead a topic....its like that....maybe we talked abt too much already....bt i feel ass though only i have been talking abt it....

i wanna run away. away to a faraway land.